The Nicest Ways to Discipline Your Children
For many people the word discipline evokes unpleasant images of authoritarian and punitive behaviour on the part of a parent. However the goal of effective discipline is neither blind obedience nor punishment, rather it is a way of keeping your children safe, building character and teaching self-discipline. As a parent you have a responsibility to foster the healthy development of your children so that they grow to be caring human beings who understand and respect both their own needs and those of others. That is best achieved through non-violent, age appropriate discipline techniques that reinforce positive behaviour and demonstrate the negative consequences of adverse behaviour.
Rather than policing your children for signs of misbehaviour, focus on catching them doing something right and acknowledge it immediately. If they pick up their toys without you telling them to, are gentle with the family pet, or are well behaved on a family outing in pushchairs to a local restaurant, if they stay in their toddler bedwithout a fuss praise their behavior; let them know you have noticed it and appreciate it. People of all ages love sincere complements, and that is particularly true for small children; for them it is the ultimate reward. Every time you reward positive behaviour, you increase the likelihood that it will happen again. Frequent positive reinforcement is by far the best way to curb misbehaviour.
As children grow and begin to assert their independence, it is natural for them to test the limits. They need you to be firm, consistent and reasonable no matter how frustrating their behaviour may sometimes be. Well defined limits and guidelines coupled with natural and logical consequences for inappropriate behaviour, provide children with a “safety net; a buffer to protect them from the outside world.” If parents disagree on limits or consequences, they need to sit down, work through it and come to some compromise. Disagreeing in front of a child, or failing to support each other, is not only confusing for the child but it can teach them all the wrong lessons. In that situation, a child may learn that they can get their own way by manipulating others, as they play one parent off against the other.
When you allow children to experience natural consequences, providing it doesn’t put them in any danger, you are giving them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. If a child is tearing around the house and trips and falls, they learn to be more careful and watch where they are going. Of course, it may take a few falls before they do. If you have asked your child not to leave their bicycle out in the yard and ultimately the bike is stolen, don’t rush out and buy them a new one. Having their bike stolen is a natural consequence of not looking after their bike in a responsible manner.
At times you may have to intervene and create a consequence, one that is logically connected to the misbehaviour. If, for example, a child throws a ball through the neighbour’s window, a logical consequence is that he/she should have to pay to replace the glass. Logical consequences can also be made and agreed on in advance. Regular family meetings provide a great opportunity for the parents and kids to discuss the family rules and determine reasonable consequences. When everyone understands what to expect you can avoid falling into the trap of continually warning, threatening or moralizing.
When disciplining your children, it’s important always be careful to separate the child from the behaviour. You have to make it clear to the child that it is the behaviour that is unacceptable, not them. Discipline should never undermine the child’s self-esteem.
Hello my name is Nisha Sharma, I represent a site called BabyPlanet.biz I love to write about parenting, children and give advice to mums.
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