Nostalgia and Frontier. A beginning and an end. This is why your conversations of late may feel a bit off course. You are looking at two different horizons.

Recently, I was listening to the podcast, 18 Summers: Candid Conversations about Family, interviewing on of my favorite authors and thinkers when it comes understanding relationships and insights into personal and spiritual growth, Dr. Kelly Flanagan.

He said something that made so much sense I wanted to share it with you.

If you are feeling tension with your graduating senior, if you are butting heads lately, if you are feeling uncomfortable with the amount of time you get with them…this may help.

When it comes to parents and graduating seniors, they are looking at two different horizons.

My kids are young, but parents, I know your pain. I’m looking at my firstborn heading to middle school and…while I don’t admit it often, I’m a bit of wreck about this. I can only imagine what you are feeling as your child approaches leaving the home and heading to begin life on their own.

For a parent, senior year is time of reflecting and nostalgia. Are you annoying your son or daughter with all the comments about remembering when they were young? I’m guessing you’d love to go back to a time when it was easier to spend time together and your paths crossed more often.

For parents, graduation is an end. An end to a season. A season that many don’t want to end.

For seniors they are looking at a different horizon. A horizon of beginnings, adventure, something fresh and new. While parents want to cling to the final remaining days, seniors are counting down the days until they embark into the great unknown.

The senior’s horizon beckons them to come and explore an open frontier. The parent’s horizon anxiously reminds them to cling tightly to the remaining days.

Basically, you are bringing different energies and agendas to the party.

TALK ABOUT IT

So, how do you navigate this.

Kelly recommends carving out some time to talk about it directly. Let them know you understand the horizon they are looking out onto. Share with them your horizon. Tell them you will do your best to support and encourage them as they prepare and grow in excitement. Ask them to be patient with you as you get anxious or want to pull them in closer and get frustrated by the lack of time together. Take some time to explore what they are excited about and ask how you can help them prepare.

Ultimately, this allows you all to be honest and open about the horizons in front of you. You can set expectations and gain greater understanding of each other. You can push them to move toward adulthood and allow yourself to let go while launching your child into the world.

Listen to the whole interview with Dr. Kelly Flanagan here.