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Back to the Grind! A Way to Leverage the Hectic Life of a Parent

August 2, 2015 / / 0 Comments

One of the reasons I love summer is the opportunity for relationship and quality time as a family.  As the window on summer closes and the school year grind is gearing up, I’ve been thinking about ways to keep a focus on relationships in the midst of the busyness of a school year.  And let’s be honest…

We are busy people.  We have a lot going on.

It’s not just the adults that are busy.  Many kids today are just as busy.  My greatest fear, as a parent, is becoming nothing more than a taxi cab!  As if my only role in life is carting them around to school, sports, friends, and wherever else they think they need to go.

As we gear up for the busyness of the fall, I wanted to share something that I’ve found very helpful.   It’s a chart from the book, Think Orange: Imagine the Impact When Church and Family Collide….  It gives you a way to think thru your day (maybe in ways you’ve never thought about before) and see that you have many opportunities to come alongside your son or daughter and influence, love, shape, and nurture.

Screen Shot 2014-08-21 at 10.49.03 PM

There are times in the day that can be leveraged for relationship.  Can you imagine the last time in a day you were able to establish values, interpret life, build intimacy, and instill purpose???

Meal time, drive time, bed time, morning time are all great opportunities to parent and influence your child.

Here’s the deal:  it’s not that you are going to have to give an impressive speech at each one of these moments everyday.  That’s simply not realistic!  However, the cumulative effect over time of you leveraging these moments (with different levels of success) over the course of a child’s life will shape that life!

This chart helps us think through how we can still find places to influence and parent in the middle of our shuffling around.  It reminds us to slow down and be intentional.  It might even encourage you to try to create some new habits with your kids so you have the times listed above (Anyone getting their kids to sit at the table with them for dinner these days?)

Summer is almost over and the school year is upon us.  I hope this is a practical tool that you can use to be the parent you want to be to your kids!

Have you ever thought about your day this way? 

How can you take one of these ideas and implement into your routine today?

Which role of the of four listed above do you most often play?   Which do you neglect?

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Joy and Forgiveness

January 17, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Here’s a quick practical thought that will apply to every relationship in your life.  Mainly because every relationship has conflict.

This thought is currently being put into practice daily, if not hourly, in my house.  Our strong-willed child has turned parenting into a battle of wills and each day the battle rages on (a little exaggeration there, but not much).  Right now, parenting feels more like breaking a wild horse than anything else.

This thought has been providing perspective and bringing clarity to what is truly important.  It’s helping me not only “train a child in the way they should go” (read into that – constant, tiresome discipline), but also fight for my child’s heart.  It reminds me this isn’t a battle of wills to win, but a fight for relationship.

So, here it is:

“Fun validates forgiveness because you can’t play with someone you haven’t forgiven.”

–Reggie Joiner

Some of you are underwhelmed.  I get that.  But I think this has profound implications.  Reggie goes on to say, “Parents should go do something fun as a way to show forgiveness.”  Many of you get this intuitively.  In fact, kids do this everyday with their friends – “I’m sorry.  It’s ok.  Let’s go play” and off they run.

As parents and adults, we sometimes don’t turn that corner as quickly as our kids do, but they have something to teach us here.

In the heat of the moment, after a showdown with my daughter, I gather myself and go to her to offer forgiveness.  That alone is powerful and often neglected.  But to follow that up with joy and play, does several things –

1.  Speaks to identity (you are loved and I still enjoy you)
2.  Pursues relationship over other options (compliance, authority, etc…)
3.  Validates the discipline.  (The discipline was necessary and done in love.  Forgiveness followed by fun/Joy proves that.)

The list could go on.

I’m talking about a child here, but you can apply this principle to any relationship.

How do you see this principle affecting your relationships? 

Is this just a helpful reminder?  Or do you have some habits in conflict that need to change and this is a great starting point? 

What would this look like to practice with your spouse or a family member?

Let’s make joy and forgiveness staples in our home.  So go ahead, make something fun happen today!

 

Don’t Give In!

December 30, 2014 / / 0 Comments

“Go, stand in the temple courts,” he said, “and tell the people all about this new life.”  Acts 5:20

Consider this your pre-game speech for a incredible 2015!

Ill admit, I’m somewhat half-hearted when it comes to New Years Resolutions.   I enjoy the process of reflecting and dreaming about a new way of doing things.   Or developing new habits that fall in line with my values and hopes for myself, my family and my ministry.  It’s just when it comes to implementing them…

I complete about half the list…halfway.

The Resistance

Awhile back I read a book by Steven Pressfield, The War of Art.  Steven is an author and couldn’t get a second look at his work for a long time.  He kept preserving and eventually got published (The Legend of Bagger Vance) and is currently enjoying a great career.  He wrote The War of Art as a part of a series of non-fiction about the process of doing creative work.  In the book, he writes extensively about something he calls the Resistance.  He spends page after page defining the Resistance and it’s a fascinating read.

To sum it up, anytime you have the desire to do something of value for yourself, your family or others, the Resistance is present and working to sabotage your efforts.  As I look back on my life or even the most recent day, it’s not hard to see this idea at work.  (I know realize that I every time I desire to go to the gym, it’s not just a hilarious internal dialogue, it’s the Resistance that I’m talking to!)

Did you know:

  • January 17th is the thought to be the most common day to ditch your new year’s resolutions.
  • Most surveys reveal that only 8 – 12% actually succeed in their resolutions.

I wonder why we are so quick to give up?

The Offer is Life!

I find these principles at work in my walk with Christ.  Why do I find it so awkward to pray with my wife at times?  Why can’t I just get out of bed 30 minutes earlier than usual?  This would allow time to be still before my kids wake up and the speeding train of my day takes off.  Why do I often have dreams of what God might do with my life or my family only to find that today looks a lot like yesterday?  I’m sure you have your share of questions here as well.  It’s no wonder Jesus paired these two statements together.

“The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”  John 10:10

Make no mistake, Jesus’ offer is a life that is unique, full, and fulfilling!  But let’s not be naive, that life is opposed!

Quite frankly, I’m tired of giving in to the Resistance (the Thief) and my prayer is that 2015 is a year marked by my trust of God.  That may sound simple, but in my life, I find it’s often a subtle lack of trust in God that derails the transformative work God is doing in my heart and life.  The offer of Jesus is life to the full and it is an offer for today as much as it is for the future.

God grant us the grace to fight through the Resistance and trust you more!

 

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